Friend or Foe?

Who can you really call a friend nowadays? It seems like the bigger circle you have, the more people hate on you, judge you, talk smack behind your back, but are quick to dap you up when they see you. People judge so easily that it’s almost funny; even the ones you call friends. It just seems as if you are truly by yourself in this world. I saw a movie the other night in which a character told the protagonist that everyone dies alone. It is starting to become more and more evident that I might die alone as the days of my life goes on. The one person I care about the most thinks I’m selfish, uncaring, and only think about myself. If only that statement were true, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much to hear it. I start to think that maybe I should start to care more about myself,. Maybe life wouldn’t seem to be such a disappointment for those who are close to me if I take myself out of their lives. The closer and closer it gets to my senior year of college, the more and more I think about dropping out. However, I realize that college is one of the few sacrifices I have to make in order to be content in life. No employer would take me seriously without a degree. I used to wish for more friends but I realized the more people I let into my life, the more drama and pain will ensue because of it. It is funny how the people you consider your friends are the ones that hurt you the most. It’s almost like what is the need of a friend? I might as well break bread with my enemies. All you have is yourself in the end. Life isn’t a bitch; it’s more like a prostitute because I am constantly asked to get fucked at a reduced price. Time to make some changes…..

She really is worth it.

Love is hard as hell. It is extremely hard to find the right woman to love; to give your heart to. As men, we like to look for woman who will boost our ego. But after a while we just get tired of her because the ego booster has reached it's plateau. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel when it comes to love because it is painful as hell. The fights get old and after a while you are arguing about the same thing over and over again. Why are things a big deal with your significant other when there is a title to your relationship? Things seemed more chill when you are just talking. Is it because there is no pressure?

Whatever it is, I used to think love was not worth it but I was wrong. Love is worth the agruing and the fights once you have found the person who is worth all the trouble. At the end of the day, you realize you would rather be holding her and staring into her brown eyes as you fall asleep than to be laying in bed alone. The tears are worth it because she is always there to wipe them away from your face. I am dealing with the roller coaster called love at this moment. She told me not to long ago that she was worth it, and I believe she is worth it. Until I get knocked down I'm not going to stop fighting until she sees that I care and that nothing else matters but her.

Women continue to date jerks because....?

There are only a few things that are at least 99% certain in life; Dying is definately one of them, NBA players sleeping with white women is another, and that women either sleep with, date, or marry a jerk. I always ask myself why do women date assholes. I even ask women that, but it seems as if they don't really know. Is it because they look better than nice guys, or is it because nice guys aren't much of a challenge. Nice guys would rather succumb than to allow a situation to escalate. There is no need to try to change a nice guy because there really isn't much to work on. It seems as if a lot of women are under some impression that they can change a jerk. I guess that is part of the challenge. What I don't understand is why they keep trying and get upset and frustrated when they don't see the results they want. What the hell did you expect? I mean honestly, if you are dating a known cheater, do you honestly think the guy is going to be faithful to you? The same can be said about a liar or someone who is physically abusive. But no one wants to be with someone who is boring, and thats why nice guys get screwed in the end. Women think they are boring (or so they say). Why do women think all the good guys are either taken or gay? Give me a fucking break. Your ass just isn't looking hard enough. Women tend to settle and thats why they end up with shitty boyfriend's and wonder why they can't find a good man. Good men are out there but women do not give them the time of day. Good men come across as too boring, and by the time women finally wake up to smell the coffee, the brotha has dipped.

These are my reasons why women like jerks:

-Apparently they are a challenge. I guess women like to change and mold their men.

-Women like drama. Why else do you date an asshole? Assholes are stubborn and that makes the relationship much more interesting.

-Dating a jerk gives women a reason to actually hang out with their girlfriends so that they can spend half the evening talking about how much their boyfriends suck.

-Other women want your jerk ass boyfriend, so he must be worthwhile to keep.

-Jerks actually tell you when they don't like what you are doing instead of getting mad at you 3 months later.

-Affection actually means more from a person who normally doesn't show it.

I think I am missing some more but I will leave it at that. I am just tired of hearing the sorry ass excuse about how there aren't any more good men out there.

The need of AA.......

Is Affirmative Action fair or is it just reverse racism?

I am not sure I would call it reverse racism at all. People of color have been denied their freedom for many years now, and though freedom is not as hard pressed, it is still not enough to make up for what is still going on to bar the African American society from advancement.

Affirmative Action is supposed to signify positive steps taken to increase the representation of women and minorities in areas of employment, education, and business from which they have been historically excluded. Contrary to what people believe, it is not limited to the people of the black community.

Would Dr Martin Luther King Jr. have supported Affirmative Action? Who really knows? Some say that his call to judge individuals by the content of their character indicates that he would not, but others who have researched his comments on the issue indicate that he would. There are people among the black race who say there is no longer a need for affirmative action. A lot of these people have made it to the top, and refuse to look back at the ladder that helped them to climb to their position.

However, throughout my college career, I felt as if I was only accepted to institutions such as the University of Maryland because of my race. As a freshman, it was highly advertised that 27% of the student body were of minority decent. What they failed to mention was that the majority of those who either tranfered or got kicked out were people of color. That really doesn’t signify increased representation of minorities to me. It shows that it is all about the image and representation of Univeristies such as Maryland. They would rather flaunt how many minorities are accepted than to try and make steps into keeping the minorities in their school. I thought I was an average high school student as I was applying to college. My overall GPA was about a 3.5 and my SAT’s were ok. What really bothered me when I found out that I was accepted to Maryland was the fact that other people who had a higher GPA than mine and higher SAT scores were either placed on the waiting list or accepted in the spring semester of school. I realised that I was accepted early and in the fall semester of freshman year, and though these students were supposedly academically smarter than I was, I was black and they were all white. I felt like a statistical number rather than a student before I even set foot on campus.

I just don’t know if affirmative action is really effective in helping minorites come up or if it is just a way for institutions to make themselves look good. For example, a leauge as prominent as the NFL now has a rule that they have to interview a colored person for a head coach position. But to this date, there are only 7 black coaches in the NFL. In a league now dominated by African Americans, how is it that blacks make up less than 25% of the coaching and managerial positions? Maybe its time we further re-evaluate the necessity of Afirmative Action…..

44- The Winning Number

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends- honesty and hard work; courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism- these things are old.....

As I sat on the train on my way to work today I conversed with two older women about Obama's inauguration and the special meaning it has to each of them. The first woman I spoke to was of African-American decent. I asked her "How do you feel about having a black president?" She said. "Well, I helped put him there." The past election was the first time she voted since she was eligible 40 years ago. That was the epitome of change for me. It wasn't just the older black woman I spoke to that put Barack into the White House. It was all the men and women of black getnerations who endured the barbarity of Jim Crow, who knew the humiliation of seperate water fountains and the terror of growling dogs. They never let up, they fought back with sit-ins and boycotts and ballots. We would have not witnessed history on 12:02pm, Jan 20th, if the older men and women from the black community backed down half a century ago. They paved the way for people of color to seek out their dreams and to never hold back for anyone or anything. I truely appreciate what they have done for our nation as a whole. Without them, the word change would still something African-Americans aspire to achieve and not something we have accomplished from this day forward.

The other woman I spoke to was a 65 year old white woman. She told me that we as a nation have finally accomplished what we should have sought out since 1776 when we claimed that all men were created equal. I feel like we are finally heading in the right direction, but we still have a lot of work to do.

From this day forth we as a nation should never let up.

ThE DiE

Reality is unforgiving. There is no way to avoid her. I thought it was possible but I was mistaken. I’m face to face with her and there is no denying what I see. I can’t take it any longer. I want her to go away but she continues to stare at my face. She laughs at me, and continues to separate what is genuine from what is fictitious. I have tried so hard not to face the Reality in my life, but her eyes are cold and piercing, beckoning me to look into them and feel them, understand what cannot be explained or written………


Reality’s a bitch and I heard that she bites
She chews on your emotions and spits it out

Her words hit you like a sucker punch
She steps all over your heart without a sound or a crunch

She is a painful experience that we all has to deal with
She’s worse than that nigga who pleads the fifth

She says all the wrong things to make you lose your smile
But she comes back with shit that makes her treatment worthwhile

I’d rather walk away than deal with the sorrow
Chuck the deuce and see the bitch tomorrow

She makes me so mad
The shit is so sad

She makes me want to cry
But at times I just want to die

Loon has finally made a come back as a singer after his 4 year hiatus. Who knew the nigga could sing? P-Diddy is so worried about making a band that the artists he neglects are forced to do a McDonalds commercial to put food on the table. It is beyond sad. Maybe when Shyne comes back from prison, he could forgive Diddy for being a pussy and start the whole fake me out second coming of Biggie joint again.

Bittersweet Hatred

They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to not love at all. Fuck that. I wish I never met your ass. You played me, used me, and abused me. I should have seen it coming but I was too stubborn. How could you do that to me? I took care of you; comforted you and was always there to support you. You scum. I hope the worst things in life happen to you because you deserve it. You suck. I hope your kids suffer due to your sins. You loser. I hope unfortunate events happen to you so that you can suffer for the rest of your life. You broke my heart and you could have cared less. You chose him over me. Good luck with that. You do not realize it now but you have lost the best thing in your life. I hope you regret and suffer from your decision until you are six feet under. I hate you. You make me sick.

The calm after the storm

Late at night, the temperature rises, I unbutton my shirt, she watches me, slowly thinking of the things she has planned for me, she pins me down on the corner of the bed, tells me to she wants to be dominated. I look into her eyes and I know that she is for real…I rip the panties off her buttocks and nuzzle my face into her sweet juices, working my way in and out of her warm cocoon as she squeezes her legs, leaving me no room for air, no room to breathe. I throw her off me and pull down my pants…..

She jumps on me. It scared me so I almost threw her off. Her brown fingers are lunging for the package between my legs. She grips and squeezes as if she was trying to unscrew a bottle; damn what a painful pleasure. Realizing that I was still mad at her, I tried to force her off of me. I squirmed around, trying to avoid the pure sensation and wetness from gliding onto my dick. I was not trying to go there in the midst of the ongoing drama. Then I got tired of fighting.
She lays a kiss on my cheek and makes me look at her; absorb the passion of the forbidden fruit. She is whispering in my ear but at that moment I was lost, hovering above the room, high off pain, passion, and lust. She relaxes, licking around my lips as she led me inside a warm wet place.

Her body slowly rocked, keeping a tempo of a sexy song playing inside her head. I fought some more. I did not want to cum; refuse to give her my seed. But that shit was feeling so good. Heat rises from the base to the top, crippling my muscles as the beginning of the flood seeps out from its home. I try to move but she holds me down, planting her wetness deeper inside me. She cried out in pleasure and pumped faster as I exploded in her. She is shaking, as she wipes the sweat and saliva from her mouth.

We both slump over. We remain this way as we stare into each other’s eyes. Her hands drifted across her sweaty breasts. She wipes her mouth once again, but this time she places her fingers in my mouth to taste her wrath. She then rolls over next to me.

We lay there as if we were screwed into the ground.

The funny word called love

What is true love…..

Who knows anymore….

I used to think it was unconditional fondness for someone

Not wanting to spend a moment without that person

Wanting to share every detail about that person, big or small

Without being judged or ridiculed

But who really knows what love is anymore

As the day goes by you cannot help but concentrate on what matters most

Being happy with yourself

But how does a person find happiness with oneself?

Because once you find that happiness

The only thing you really look for is someone to share it with

So is the goal really to be happy with yourself?

Or is it really being able to appreciate yourself for the same reasons a significant other does

Love is the one thing in life that man longs for and strives for

But it is also the hardest thing to find

Love is the attainment of life's greatest inspiration
Love is supporting, but not overbearing
Love is the free and complete expression of oneself to and for another

How does a man know when his love is enough?

Or when your love is too much to handle

As a man I am confused about love

What and who I cared about most has been lost

Fuck the word love